Does our behaviour and the way we react affect others just as much as it affects us?!
Far more often than not – yes! Sometimes even more so, especially if we find ourselves getting stuck in excessive rumination.
Let’s use road rage as an example. Ever been cut off in traffic?! Frustrating right?! Especially when the other driver seems so oblivious. But as you slam on the horn, yell out the window and mumble to yourself or your passengers for the next 10 minutes in anger thinking of every possible horrific outcome that “could” have happened the other driver is more than likely still blissful unaware, singing to one of their favourite tunes on the radio. If you suffer from road “road rage” I bet your blood is boiling right now as you read this!
Physically we might now be red in the face, our breathing is short, we might be shaking a little, our heart beat has more than likely increased and overall we’re feeling very unsettled. “They” on the other hand are feeling calm, experiencing relaxed breathing, a steady heart beat and excited about seeing the friend they are potentially going to meet.
These same “unsettled” feelings can also often occur from jealously, judgment, comparison and low self-esteem. It’s important not to be fooled by low-self esteem, as it’s not always “the quiet one” or “introvert” who is suffering. In fact, often it’s the bubbly, positive, chatter box who is very aware of their inner critic and proactively works very hard to tell themselves positive affirmations convincing friends and family that everything is fine and dandy.
Patterns of jealously can stem from the perception of a more “attractive” or “intelligent” sibling, close friend/s or colleague/s and move into an constant judgment of self and others or perceived judgment. Example: I’m fat, I have this health problem that…, I can’t do that, she’s a B***H, he’s ugly, he’s not good at…, she’s the pretty one, he’s the smart one, everyone wants me to… , they all think…
All of these kind of comments said behind closed doors to self or about others affects you more than “them.” You may feel yourself just like with road rage having shortened breath, your heart rate might increase, you might feel sad, hard done by, the victim, emotionally drained or even reduce yourself to tears. Meanwhile, the external person, if one is involved, is potentially feeling carefree and fabulous.
So, how can we redirect out thoughts/feelings and emotions in an effect to keep ourselves feeling calm, with relaxed breathing and a steady heart beat?! How can we program our thought to serve us well/better rather than negatively affecting our self-esteem. Put simply Hypnotherapy.
Hypnotherapy can help us create new neurological pathways of thought deep in our subconscious. We need to recognise that we do not have control of our external environment. Example, being cut off by a rude or oblivious driver and other people comments/ opinions/ values. We only have control over how we respond/ react. While we all “know this” in our conscious mind (our frontal lobe) its our subconscious (where our emotions live) that influence the majority of our day and how we feel. Hypnotherapy helps individuals recognise what is personal verses what affects us personally.
Vara Glover is the resident hypnotherapist at Your Wellness Focus.